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Why Am I Avoiding God?

Self | Attie Murphy | 5 mins

It's easy to think of God as someone who is there when I need Him. But God isn't just there to lean on when it’s convenient for us. He is the creator of everything and everyone. When I have moments where I soak in that fact, nothing else matters. The problem is, those moments are far too rare and quickly forgotten thanks to the demands of everyday life. My daily needs and desires are on a clock, and I know that God is eternal. I know He'll be there when I'm ready, so why stop my momentum? What I fail to realize is that my life will always be "on a clock." There are rhythms of fast and slow, but it is always a race. If I put off what really matters until after I reach the finish line, then my whole life will go by with my true purpose on the sidelines. So how can I connect with God through all the ups and downs and seconds in between? 

Procrastination is the name of the game, and the players never win. I won't lie; there are times when procrastination works out for me. Sometimes when I wait until the last minute to work on something, the pressure drives me to work harder and give my all. However, this tactic does not work for anything consistent in our lives, especially in our relationships with people and God. When I think of time with Him as an appointment, I get it all wrong. I ignore the fact that He is everywhere, all the time because that knowledge forces me to look at the areas where I don't pursue His purpose. When I finally turn to Him, it takes intentionality to let Him in. I wonder, should it be this hard? Why am I avoiding God? Why doesn't He show Himself to me? When I take accountability for the walls I put up, I see that He does show Himself in ways that astound me on reflection.

God is like that friend who knows you so well that you sometimes don't want to talk to them because you know they'll notice something's wrong. And with Him, the vulnerability is next level because He already knows everything. He doesn't need us to tell Him what's going on, but we need to spend time with Him to walk in His will. God gave us His word as tangible guidance, but it doesn't replace the presence of the Holy Spirit. Even if we read the Bible for hours every day, that doesn't equal a relationship with Him. That relationship comes through humility. Our pride causes us to push God away when we don't want to face the pain and imperfection that we store inside of us. 

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." - 2 Corinthians 3:17

I know there are times when I tell myself, "I'll hash it out with God when life is at a slower pace." I reason that an honest conversation with God is like a therapy session, and I need to prepare time and energy to "dive deep." Yet as time flies, I realize that is not how life works. There is no profound moment where we stop, dig into all our issues, and let them go in a liberating wave. We constantly release and pick up baggage. We will never have freedom by the world's standards, no matter how much meditation or self-exploration we do. The good news is we are free in Jesus. We can lay our burdens on Him and rest in His grace when we are weary.

When I find it challenging to seek God's presence, I try to take practical steps that help me to let down my guard. And this starts with intentional solitude. When I am in a place where I feel comfortable and only vulnerable to God, then I can listen for His voice without distraction. Whether you find that safe place in your home, your car, or somewhere else, it's important to have ordinary places to step aside and talk to God. If you work around people all day, where is somewhere you can go for a few minutes to "check in" with Him? Once you start the habit of conversation, it will encourage you to explore new ways to connect with God. We can control so little, but faith tells us not to lean on our own understanding and instead trust our paths to Him. (Proverbs 3:5-6) He is by our sides in every step.

Written By

Attie Murphy

An avid writer since the age of 5, who loves to explore new ideas and places. Inspired by Jesus, books, and travel.

Published on Aug 19, 2021