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Is Your Spouse Your Soulmate?

Relationships | Attie Murphy | 5 mins

What is a soulmate? What phenomenon draws two people back to each other over and over, like Noah and Allie in "The Notebook?" Several psychological factors explain why "soulmates" are simply people who relate to each other on a deeper than average level. But what about God's plan and His design for our souls? Many things in the Bible are beyond the explanations of science (such as the existence of souls to begin with), so why shouldn't we believe that God created soulmates?

If you're married or headed in that direction, you might believe you have a supernatural connection with your significant other. You aren't wrong. God is relational, and His design for our souls is relational. God created us to have a spiritual connection to Him and each other. As children of God, our calling is to unite and love in a way that defies our physical and psychological urges. That is God's purpose for all of our connections, not just with people who we "click" with. However, that purpose takes on a unique and profound form in marriage.

Not only should you love your spouse as yourself, but the two of you are one in the eyes of God. You still have individual personalities and gifts that God sees, yet He has united you in a way that reflects His nature. In that way, spouses are "soul mates," but that doesn’t mean we all have another half we are destined to find. Perhaps we want that to be the case because we are indecisive creatures. We don't want the responsibility of "choosing wrong," so we want to think that circumstances will give us signs that we are right. We forget that we have someone to lean on. While God doesn't just deliver us "the one," He does see our future and will give us the wisdom to build relationships that are good for us. No matter how good or bad your marriage is going, it's helpful to realize you are not soulmates by society's definition. You are soul mates in the sense that God has joined you together.

"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." - Matthew 19:6

We don't like to acknowledge that our free will requires us to put in the work. None of us are perfectly made for each other; even the healthiest relationships have clashes because of sin. The problem is, in general, we tend to think something isn't "meant to be" if it starts to go wrong when there is conflict. Now I certainly believe that God can lead us away from situations that aren't for our good, but that doesn't mean hardship is a sign of a bad ending - especially in marriage. Once you've joined your life with someone else, God will not send you signs that you "picked wrong." Human decisions destroy marriage, not God revealing that someone went off-script. The struggles in your marriage don’t mean that there's someone else out there who you're supposed to be with; they're a sign that you need God's help to grow with your spouse (If you're experiencing abuse, please seek support and consider your safety. God values your wellbeing).

On the other hand, when things are mostly smooth sailing, that also isn't an act of fate or a message that our future is set. The Bible tells us we need to rely on God and make personal efforts. We don't need to worry, but we do need to prepare for the reality of sin. What does that mean in the context of marriage? Well, I can't speak from experience, but we can look at what God says. Here are a few key components to keep in mind, particularly in marriage:

  • Pursue faith and righteousness (Psalm 85:10-11).
  • Love is not easily drowned (Song of Songs 8:6-7).
  • Marriage is a profound mystery, sacred to God (Ephesians 5:31).
  • Love is our greatest gift (1 Corinthians 13:2-5, 1 John 4:16).
  • God wants us to give and receive support (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
  • God gives wisdom to the humble (James 1:5, Proverbs 11:2)

  • Connect with a Sun Valley marriage group to discover new ways to grow with your spouse!

    Written By

    Attie Murphy

    An avid writer since the age of 5, who loves to explore new ideas and places. Inspired by Jesus, books, and travel.

    Published on Apr 14, 2022